Well, I promised I would be honest on the not-so-happy days and so here’s a peek into that particular window.
We found out today that the clinical research trials – which we have been waiting on since February – have again been pushed back a month. Because we expected them to start April 18, we had done a lot of work to get things ready at my work, for our kids, for housing in Portland and all the other details that are involved in moving your life to another city for a week when you have kids at home. Ordinarily, I don’t think a change like this would rock my apple cart so violently, but I’m just really tired. I’m out of strength for weathering change and nearly done being a trooper.
And here’s the deeper truth of it all: I am also nursing a secret fear that this will never actually happen or that by the time it happens, Steve will no longer qualify for it.
So, yet again, I find myself not at a crisis of belief – but definitely a crossroads of trust. Have I subconsciously looked at this clinical study as our only hope? It’s not even pretending to be hope to us – it’s just research – but still it lurks in my secret self, this idea that for every cure that has ever been found for any disease, there was a person or a group of people who tried it first. And I know that deep in my heart has lived a fear that when the clinical study is over, we have nothing left to try. But that’s not true. When the clinicals are over, we have exactly what we have now: Hope. Life. Jesus, and all the joy that He requested from His Father for us in John 17. We belong to the same Jesus who introduced Himself to ALS on the cross. That’s our hope.
Recently, on a different bad day (truth be told, I’ve had at least two) I wrote in my journal: I feel like I’ve been holding onto the edge of Your coat so tightly and for so long that I must be annoying You by now. His answer – with a smile I could feel like you feel sunlight on your face in the summer – was: “That’s cute that you think you’ve been the one holding on to Me…”
And even on this silly, sad-soaked day, I can feel Him holding on. My life has been reduced to this one thing that I know I get to keep: He is security when every other thing shakes. He is love that can be trusted.
Hard days will come and go, but we will always be His.
Really ready for Easter,
Bo
Bo,
Thank you for sharing about your hard days. Your comment about hanging onto the edge of His coat . . . I love His answer!
Praying for you and Steve and your family!
Love,
Arlene
Praying for you and your family. Believing for resurrection power to be at work in Steve’s physical body. Love you guys!
Bo~
So appreciate your honesty and I am encouraged/challenged by your words. I will continue to intercede for you and your family believing for miracles of many kinds in the days and months ahead.
Bo, our family, and many othes, are holding you up in prayer. Thanks for sharing your life with us all, good and bad days. God is great, and the wonderful thing is that He is always there.
Bo ~ I’m praying for His Breath of fresh strength, fresh hope, and fresh joy to fill and surround you, Steve, and your family! In Jesus name, Amen!
oh Bo, it’s on days like this that I so hate being 10,000 miles away from you……how I wish I could be holding you – but it’s better that Jesus is the One doing it anyway, right? Still, we need each other and I am drawing from your writings…..we all have those days, so don’t hide them from us – you are pouring out so much love and hope to all of us you can’t even realize what it is doing for eternity sake…….all for His glory – and THAT is what it is all about…..nothing more. I LOVE YOU more every day.
Thank you, dear sister. I wouldn’t argue if God were to nudge Africa a tiny bit closer to Bend for a bit. 🙂
And, yes, for His glory alone! He works all our tears together for His great glory.
O Bo. I, too, have been walking through too many sad days. Thank you for sharing real life. Sharing the sad, difficult days on this journey is another way to give Him praise. (I say to myself) He is the God of all Comfort, my Strength. My Present Help in time of trouble. In the sad days, He the Sonshine of my life. Lord, help us to keep Your perspective. I love yours, Bo. You are in our prayers…
Praying for you, sweet Louise.
Bo,
The Holy Spirit will provided a good day tomorrow. Be expecting it.
Don
I secretly hope for stuff, too – thinking that what I’m hiding in my heart is truly how the Lord is going to answer my prayer. And then He shines His light on my secrets and shows me His own plan – or not. I certainly don’t understand why God does some of the things He does; it seems my answers are so much simpler!
Keep hanging on! He is working for you!
Love you so much,
Teri
It is not fun having a not so fun day , but finding the beauty in that day is what makes us continue to have Hope in the only One who can see us through all those not so fun days.. thanks for being so transparent….. praying in this moment for you to have God lined day …
Bo – My experience has been during days like this, the Lord usually gave me a good day on the following day. Expect that to happen.
Bo….bottom line….I am so thankful we are His, no matter what. He is holding onto each of us as we walk through these painful, yes painful, seasons of our lives. Thank you for your transparency and honesty before us. Sometimes we as christians think that we have to act like we really have it “all together” when our world is falling apart..I do believe that our greatest ministry is from our greatest pain…..You have set the bar high for us, thank you. Praying for you sister, and sending a warm hug your way. Teresa
At the end of our rope is God’s office. This kind of shaking brings to light reality and truth. Amazing God who sees us in our entirety and never tires of us. Amazing God!
Bo, sending you the only words that I can think of that will matter– my prayers for all of Team Stern, our wounded warriors.
Thanks for the honesty Bo – we’re in this with you. xo
Psalm 22:24
For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.
Psalm 119:50
My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.
Romans 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
But rejoice in the Lord….
“Rejoice and be glad” in the Bible: Psalm 118:24
Psalm 118 is a song of pure praise. The Psalmist tells us that God’s love endures forever, and in this verse declares that today is the day the LORD has made so let us “rejoice and be glad in it.”
Rejoice in the Lord – a Christian perspective
God has done marvelous things for us–and we’re invited to celebrate by rejoicing in Him!
“
“That’s cute that you think you’ve been the one holding on to Me…” Love that.
He [God] Himself has said I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support (I will) not, (I will) not, (I will) not in any degree leave you helpless, nor forsake nor let (you) down (relax my hold on you). ~ Assuredly Not!
Hebrews 13:5 AMP
Hi Bo,
Thank you for your message this morning. Don’t ever stop being so real and transparent. That’s what this world needs. To see Jesus in all of our good and bad days.
I just wanted to leave you with this today:
James 1:12 (Message)
Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.