Man, yesterday was a hard day.
Sometimes I whine a little (read: LOT) and sometimes I use the wrong measure for deciding the good or bad or hard of a given day, but yesterday? Was legitimately hard. It was house hard and kid hard and ministry hard and Tax Day hard and, most of all, it was ALS hard.  After dinner, as Josiah was trying to recover from a tough track meet and struggling through a soul-melting amount of math homework, I wondered for a moment if dividing fractions has ever turned a mom and a kid into ever-loving loons. Like, after surviving the ferocity of this year, what if the thing that finally breaks us is how many pizzas can you make if you have nine blocks of cheese and each pizza needs 1/3 block except one which needs soy cheese and extra love and…bleh. Seriously, we hit a point where I wasn’t sure either one of us was gonna make it, but we did. We stuck with the dumb division, we tried to stay happy and then we both collapsed – him into the tub and me into my bed.
I sat there reviewing my day and my year and my life. Sometimes I wonder if God hired the wrong girl for the job. When I look at the stuff on my plate right now, I realize that I am hopelessly unqualified and I then I end up swimming in the dark depths of my own inadequacies.
As I went to sleep last night, I kept reciting the verse from Jeremiah 32 over and over again, “I will not stop following after you to do you good. I will not stop following after you to do you good. I will. Not. Stop. Following after you to do you good.” Over and over and over until it became like the beeping of a heart monitor, pulsing low and steady in my spirit, keeping me tethered to the life support of His Word which is sometimes our only hope.
This morning I woke up late, but…new. As soon as I opened my eyes I felt it: new mercy. New hope. Fresh air for a fresh day. Out of a Lamentations night came a Genesis morning. I don’t necessarily feel like dancing, but I do feel at rest. At peace. I know that somewhere between despair and daylight, His goodness caught up with me.
Most of us face a few giants on any given day, and some seasons in life are just teeming with them. Giants on every chair, in every field, under every table. Most people I know are either very aware that they are inadequate for the fight ahead or they are about to find out. I don’t think God made us strong enough to tackle the Big Ones without Him.
If only this was 1997, I could give you all the answers because that’s when I had them. Today, however, I know that I have no magic pill (clearly, or this blog post would be titled, “The Things that Just Can’t Break us. Ever.”). But I do know this: He is following you. Look in the rearview and you might catch a glimpse of His headlights. He goes before us and He also follows behind…not to lead us away from the bad days, but to put us back together when the pieces start to fall. To hold us close when the tears won’t stop. And to remind us that His goodness, ultimately, is everything. It’s all that’s really real in the temporary world we call home.
Praying for New Mercies and the outline of God in your rearview mirror today, friend.
Bo
Bo, this message hit home! Thank you for sharing. I look forward to the new day ahead : )
Praying with you my friend! I love that verse, the literal translation of follow means to chase-He is chasing you! Praying for you to feel His breath, His wind and hear His feet as he chases you down to do good. Love and hugs
Bo- I’m dying for a “1997” Blog Post 😉
Me too, Ang! Me too. 🙂
God was skywriting to me today, through your words. Tears…I am an artist. 3 weeks ago, I lost the sight in my right eye via excersise bands. It’s going to be interesting to discover what He’d like me to do with this for His Glory. I needed His words and encouragement today. Thank you. Lisa
Lisa, one of my worst fears when I use exercise bands. I hope that Christ uses you in ways you ever imagined. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
(and same for you and your family Bo 🙂
Peace, Teresa
Prayers for you today, Lisa. I’m so sorry. May His presence be your portion, your hope and your vision.
I’ve been feeling that whole, ‘God, you hired the wrong girl’ thing today. Thank you for sharing your heart!
Beautiful, Bo…Beautiful Bo…Allyson saw your picture when I was reading your blog and said, “who is that?” I said, “That is Bo, do you remember her?” She answered, “BO, Oh, I love her!”…me too.
Thank you Jenny – kisses and hugs to sweet Allyson.
BO!!! Oh I love her too!!! (And God didn’t goof up on his assignments. You’re God’s girl, God’s choice, and such a precious precious amazing-in-honesty-and-realness example!!! Strength and peace to you today!
Yesterday was tough (probably more so for my husband) because I was flat out cranky and a rather sucktackular human being because of ‘stuff’. Thanks for your words today. I needed them.
Hey Anne – perhaps our husbands should commiserate! I hope today was better, friend.
I love this. And I love you. “Out of a Lamentations night came a Genesis morning.” That’s a miracle, isn’t it? Praying for you and the family always.
Yep, Jen, a bonafide miracle. Love you, too!
I just read this Bo, and have to smile at how mysterious and sweet our God is. Earlier, when we interns prayed for you and your family, new mercies are exactly what the Holy Spirit had us pray for, new mercies and a greater measure of them. (and lots of other good things as well!) We love you.
Cari – your comment made me cry. Thank you for praying for us. I love you, Westside interns…very, very deeply.
Thanks Bo. Just what i needed to hear. Was tackling stuff in my soul and spirit too last night. Always so wonderful to hear and feel God move in those moments. And thanks for pointing out the Jeremiah 32 verse. Perfect.
Goodness, I could not love you more.
Thank you Bo that message hit home for me too
Thanks Bo. Real words for real moments and a reminder that He is always there! Praying and believing for victory moments to overtake battle moments. BUT remembering that the one only comes because of the other.
Love you so much!
You bring tears to my eyes as I ponder His wonder in your heart and mine. You are such a fine example of a faith-based, Jesus-loving woman – not a woman who has the answers but knows Who does. I love you. Susie
Keeping you all in prayer, His strength and mercies are new everyday. God bless you.
P.S. Doesn’t it seem that today math is more complicated? Or maybe I have a “block” (smile)
I wish I had anything remotely wise, or comforting or profound to say. But that’s probably because you said it all.
Bo I hope you know His gift in you, toward us– so thirsty for anything real in this all-about-image world– is so downright refreshing, it’s almost startling. But not. Just warm and welcome like the first bright rays of sunshine after a (way) too long winter.
Thank you Jesus, for Bo and Steve.
So, so kind. Thank you, friend. I’m thankful for you.
LOVE it! I remember days like that…..pregnant with #3, both Grandpa’s had just gone to be with Jesus, Chad was unemployed & I very often felt like I was not meant for this! Hugs & prayers to you! For peace, for patience. Be real with people, they’ll meet you there.
It’s ok to be weak . . . because when we are weak . . . God is strong! Praying.
I love how open you are about feeling inadequate. We all struggle with that one, but your so open. Thank you for sharing!
You just took the words and feelings that were inside me yesterday and today and spoke them out loud. Thanks for sharing. It helps me feel like I’m not so alone.
Bekah – thanks for commenting and – I’m praying for you. I know you’re not alone and I hope that you feel it…that you can feel His presence behind, ahead, around you today. Psalm 31 and 139 are my go-to’s when I’m struggling…maybe they’ll be life to you as well. Email me if I can help in any way. bolovesjoe@gmail.com
Thanks for being available Bo. I just had to repeatedly tell that stinkin devil to stop whispering in my ear and turned to the scriptures. I had a much better day yesterday and I’m sure it will just keep getting better and better. 🙂