We are about three weeks away from the two-year anniversary of Steve’s diagnosis.
I’m not entirely sure why, but I feel nervous about it. Anxious. Wary.
Many good things are happening. Our Tessie turns 18 the same day (the diagnosis was on her sweet sixteen which is a birthday bummer if ever there was one.) The book will be released five days later. Things are well, they really are.
But, still, something is gnawing at my nerves and making me feel the weight attached to a milestone of such import. Life has never been the same. In some ways, it’s been better. In some ways, it’s been…I don’t even have the words. But it hasn’t been the same and sometimes I really miss the same. I miss what we had, what we knew for sure. I miss the things we could count on and isn’t that an ironic sentence since it turned out…we couldn’t?
So, no clever, amusing or spiritual wrap up to this. Just this: I am a little battle-weary today and uneasy about February 10. And I would welcome your prayers, thoughts, or silly jokes.
Thank you, blog friends, for sticking with me through thick and thin, happy and sad, sunshine and rain. I love you.
Bo
P.S. Auspicious = promising favor or good fortune. I wanted to use ‘inauspicious” for the title, but I am believing that this anniversary will be the promise of something good. Because He is good. And life inside His promise is good. So, “auspicious” it is.
Play this on your phone, stick it in your back pocket, and walk around with it today: http://youtu.be/VbZbsQyiQVI
“Our God is fighting for us always. Our God is fighting for us all. Our God is fighting for us always. We are not alone, we are not alone…” {a hundred times repeat}
Thank you, Kristen!
I’m happy to pray for you, Bo. Thank you for standing beside me, holding my arms up while The Lord fights the battles. I pray February 10th will be a day made by our Lord (I bet it will be), a day to rejoice and be glad in. A day to celebrate life and birthdays. I pray Jesus will fill you with His joy and unsurpassing peace that guards your heart and mind. He loves you so much.
We all do.
Teri
I love you, Teri K! Still praying, by the way.
Oh I hear you Bo…John was diagnoised the week before Christmas 12/17. We kept it to our selves till after the holidays. We didn’t want the kids to have that weight on them for Christmas Matt was 11 yrs old and Nick was 20 yrs old. My eyes were so opened that Christmas to see it different, making the most precious memories possible. Now 5 years later half of me dreads the day and half of me rejoices. I just wish it wasn’t tied to the hoiday time, same as you with your daughters birthday.I never knew how good…”good” was till I knew how everything could change in such a drastic way. The feeling of no control of what is happening to my husbands body made me decide we will control how we let it effect or not effect us…so that is way after 5 yrs we rejoice on the day he was diagnoised….it’s more years then the Dr. said we would have and with that thought…would John have had the outcome the Dr. said we would, if we put our faith in the Dr.,’s word instead of Gods word. God knows John’s days on earth, our only concern is to live them the best we can for Him. So when the day rolls around take your beautiful daughter and husband out for a birthday/life
celebration !!
Linda – you know, I was JUST thinking that – we should throw a February 10 party! I’m so thankful for you and John…sometimes I run out of words to tell you how deeply I appreciate having you both to follow. Whispering many prayers upward that our paths might converge in Washington DC this May.
I sure do love you!
I love you, Tami. I know your fight is fierce and you are deeply in my heart.
Thanks Bo, for the reminder to cherish the security of the everyday ordinary. Prayers for you, and your family, to have overflowing amounts of grace as the day approaches!
Bless you, Joyce.
“Moses told the People, Fear not; stand still [firm, confident, undismayed] and see the salvation of the Lord which He will work for you today. For the Egyptians you have seen today you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest.” Exodus 14:13-14
I love this part not because the Israelites get a good talkin to but because they HAD to receive one in the first place. God’s Glory and power knows no bounds. Even when we are fatigued, confused, discontent or even doubtful, He prepares a way from our straits. As God’s light revealed to them their path, they embarked together I imagine hand in hand, and still very scared.
All this to say, I’m a little relieved to know you have these days. And I was relieved to read this Truth today in Exodus 14. When we are found in dire straits, God does not hesitate to show is Glory. He comes regardless of how we feel today. But that is exactly why Moses tells them to stand firm!! Yay for leaders like Moses and Bo Stern! Although weariness comes, you hold up truth and smack it in the middle of the stormy seas so that the rest of us may see a glorious path and our enemies defeated on the other side!
That’s beautiful, Angila. Thank you for speaking strength into my weariness. God is showing Himself wonderfully sufficient for this fight.
I really hear that part about missing “the same” even though it turns out we could not count on it anyway!! Jim’s diagnosis is 2 years old on March 15th. In those seemingly short 2 years he has gone from eating to tube feeding, from walking anywhere to walking only about 12 feet, from talking to not talking, from smiling to nothing….not even a smirk which is sometimes as good as a smile! I feel like my heart is broken. And although I know God will heal me in his time, the sadness is just pervasive today. Jim is the 6th person in his family to have ALS and I suspect not the last. I hate ALS (times six!!) and even in the face of believing there is no ALS in heaven I feel just beat this week. I’m sad and at times angry that wonderful men like Jim and Steve and John have ALS. Now there is every probability that I will be in an amazingly different place about this in just a short time because God can mercifully turn me around pretty fast. But today I am just not there…..
Jane, I don’t even know you, but I’m praying. I promise.
Thank you!!! I really appreciate prayer. My own prayers are short this week! Yesterday found myself just thinking over and over “merciful God, merciful God, merciful God, merciful God……” And then I felt better!
I really like having two Jane friends!
Jane Lellman – I hear you. Those hopeless, helpless moments hit hard and it’s so good to know they won’t last forever, but I think it’s also good to be able to be honest about them when they land. This is not a theoretical battle, it’s real and it’s daily (or “minutely” as the case may be) and I’m learning (I hope!) the balance of standing in faith and positivity, but also emotional authenticity. Praying for you, friend.
Jane W – love you!
Jane – I also don’t know you, but I stand with you in prayer. During this time of fatigue and weariness – God provides people like Jane W. and Bo – and yes, even me to stand beside you and hold up your arms. My husband was 24/7 care for about the last 5 years of his life – I know about weariness. But I also know that He is there to hold me tight and provide for the dear folks who will hold me up. I am praying for you and your husband.
Love you, Bo! Always praying!
Thank you, dear Rachel.
Count me in as praying! Silly joke time!
Why are potato chips considered stupid?
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Because they hang out with all the dips at parties!
There, don’t you feel better now?
Hugs to you Bo!
Haha! I love that joke and shall use it as my own in at least two conversations today!
Praying, praying and then praying some more for you guys.
In the way of silly jokes:
What’s black and white, black and white, black and white? A nun rolling down a hill.
What’s black and white and laughing?
The nun that pushed her.
Oh, Lorelei, that’s brilliant. Stealing that one, too.
Thanks for choosing auspicious! February 10 is my b day as well and I won’t forget you. Don’t have any silly jokes though……every time I try to tell one (even someone else’s that I try to pass on) I mess up the punch line!! That’s funny in itself sometimes, except then it is people laughing at me instead of with me
. That doesn’t bother me though cuz I know there are more important things.
Hugs, much love, admiration, and barrels full of prayers.
Molly