Last night I fell off the Paleo wagon. Hard. For months I’ve been faithfully, fiercely committed to healthy eating,and I’ve loved it. I’ve lost weight and felt better than ever. And yet, last night I was a whirling white flour-white-sugar dervish. Why? Why would I abandon the plan to which I have been committed? The answer can be summed up in one line and this line, dear reader, is a sneaky cat. Here we go:
I felt I deserved it.
Because of the fast starting today. Because have you read about my last two weeks? Because it’s raining on spring break. Because insert a million interesting and creative reasons here.
Ever since the garden, we have been using food as the counterweight to pain or pressure or frustration. I have been doing it like a boss for the last three years which is what led me to change my habits a few months ago. But last night, with just the right combination of factors at play, I ran into Carb Palace and worshipped there for a bit (and it was delicious!)
The subversive nature of self-entitlement never ceases to amaze and annoy me. I find myself caught in its clutches in so many ways. And make no mistake, fasting friends, this will be our enemy over the next few days. Hunger will sing a sirens song and our minds, which are far more creative than we give them credit for being, will come up with a million reasons why we deserve to fill the void with something other than Him. With anything other than Him. And it’s not a big job in this case because, come on, everyone deserves to eat.
Here’s my plan for combatting my own I-deserve-it nature. Maybe it’ll work and maybe it won’t, but this is where I’m going to start – the two things I want to remember and reiterate when hunger gets bossy and makes me feel abused and downtrodden because I’m going without:
1. Not everyone gets to eat. 33% of the world is starving at any given moment. 1.5 million children starve to death every single year. It’s good for me to go without, to feel their pain, and to experience real hunger in my fancy, American world.
2. Though I don’t deserve food, I DO deserve satisfaction. Because Jesus promised it (John 15:11). And then He died for it – so that my joy would be full in spite of circumstances that scream to the contrary. His presence is our exceedingly great reward and when we peel away the counterfeit counterweights, we are more likely to be compelled right into His arms. Right there, where Jesus is everything. Right there, where His voice fills the holes caused by hunger and hopelessness. It is the great mystery of the ages that I am wholly unworthy of friendship with God, yet invited in to feast on it without restraint, without limit. Because of Jesus.
So for me, this is where everything begins. This week will be a win in so many ways if I can learn to bypass food as a prescription for heartache and go straight to the source of healing instead.
Oh, I just feel it in my bones: it’s gonna be a great week!
Hungry for Him,
PS: COMMENTS OPEN! Tell me how you’re feeling as you start into Seven. Strength in numbers, y’all!