Well, Day Five was a little powerhouse of a day. It actually started the night before, with an important No.
My kids and I had been planning on going to Rome. I’ve been to Rome and I loved it, but the more I thought about going a second time, the less I wanted to. I don’t have much more information to give you than that; I just didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay and cozy in. I wanted a nothing day, even though I’ve had a couple of those in a row. My kids graciously excused me from the trip and this morning, as two left for Rome and two left for Cinque Terre, I felt pangs of something that was NOT regret. It was guilt. And it wasn’t guilt because they needed me, it was guilt because I was staying home to do nothing for no reason. As the house emptied out, though, I began to see all kinds of possibilities for the day. I made a list because I love lists. I tackled a few chores and then worked up ALL my nerve to get myself to the grocery store. Going to the grocery store isn’t hard in my real life, but it’s tricky in my directionally-impaired-and-in-a-new city life. But I really needed to go, because we are almost out of those cool little pods that go in the Nespresso machine! Yikes!
The walk to the store is 1/2 mile. On Tuesday, Josiah and I did it in 10 minutes or so. Today it took me a good 30 minutes because the directions just were NOT clear to me on my GPS. And here’s a travel tip: If you decide early on that you won’t worry about what people think of you when you have to stop mid-step, turn around and go the other way, you’ll be way ahead of the game.
When I got back to my apartment, I felt like such a winner! I had tackled the mean streets of Florence and lived to tell the tale. And I now had coffee stored up for dayzzz. I sat down to write and do some question-answering I’ve been planning to do during sabbatical (more on that in another post.) I opened the big terrace doors in my living room to let in the fresh air, sat down on the cushy couch with my computer, heard the church bells chime one o’clock and immediately…fell asleep. Like VERY asleep. I almost always take naps during the day and they are without fail, six to nine minutes long. I fall asleep and wake up six minutes later, refreshed and happy – it’s like a weird and useless party trick This time, however, I woke with a start when the church bells rang 2. Two o’clock! I had been sleeping for a whole, entire hour. I sat up, trying to reorient my brain to where I was and what was happening, and laid right back down again. Gnawing at the back of my mind was, “You should write a little.” And “You should get out and see the city.” And “You should__________________(fill in the blank with a bunch of to-do’s.)
And then I remembered the words of my super smart boyfriend the night before I left, “Don’t be surprised if you need more ‘nothing’ time than you think. It will take awhile to decompress.” I nodded along in agreement at the time, but I think I was imagining the unspoken end of his sentence to be, “Even if it takes a whole day…” But here I was, on day FIVE, still just wanting to soak in the nothing.
My discovery for the day is the continuation of something I’ve recently realized about myself: I am obsessed with finish lines. I want to move from point A to point B in as direct a route as possible. No squiggly lines.
But this sabbatical is all about not just allowing the squiggly lines, but embracing them. A straight line might be the most efficient way to get there, but a squiggly line is sometimes more valuable and even a little magical. And what is required to value the squiggly line? Death to the preset arrival time. In order to fall in love with the journey, I have to focus less on the finish line. So when I awoke yesterday, I made the conscious decision to die to the “I oughta’s” and come alive to the “I wanna’s.” I sunk into the couch a little longer and let the breeze speak soft to me. I wandered through the streets around my apartment, stopping at a few shops and another beautiful church. I called my best friend who will be coming with her husband to stay with me in a few days (SO excited!) After a long, happy chat, the sun had set and I went in search of something for dinner. My plan had been to go to the tiny panini shop beside my apartment, but it was closed. I walked a little further down a back alley and ran smack dab into…a grocery store! I cannot tell you how this thrilled my heart. No more searching for the one far away! I am so glad I had to find that silly, distant store, but SO glad I don’t have to find it ever again.
Later that night, Victoria, Stef and Josiah came home from their trip to Rome and we gathered at our favorite restaurant across the street to recap our days’ adventures. While we were toasting our lemoncello, the wonderful Metcalfs arrived back home from their excursion into Cinque Terre. We shared stories and funny moments on trains and frustrating travel mishaps and life. Just so much life. It was a day well-lived and it all started with a strategically placed NO to “I really oughta go to Rome”.
PS: Tomorrow: Lots of treasure hunting and neighborhood discovering and coffee brilliance. And pictures!