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All Things Held Together

 

The first forty-five years of my life were marked by the discovery of hidden strength and abilities.   I learned bravery as I attempted a lot of new things, knowing I could always rebound and rebuild.

 

The past four years of my life have been marked by the discovery of the depths of my weakness and inabilities. My journal tells the story, with notes scrawled out like graffiti on the walls of a prison cell: I can’t do this.  It’s over my head. I’m not made like this.  I don’t know what I’m doing.  I’m not enough. I’m not enough.  I’m not enough (and seventeen variations on this thought.)

 

I have wondered out loud why God would trust a man with no muscles to a girl who is can’t even conquer the laundry.

 

I promise you this is not false humility or a thinly-veiled plea for you to tell me I’m awesome. This is reality. After 45 years of up-and-to-the-right, ALS brought me face-to-face with the endless array of things I cannot do and the many reasons Steve would have been better off marrying…anyone else.

 

I could fight these feelings with my resume or my good intentions or with the argument that many people aren’t good at this stuff and aren’t forced to find out. I probably have fought with all those things, and would continue to do so except they don’t work. What has worked is this verse on repeat in my brain and on my tongue.  This simple verse, quoted over and over, so my ears can hear it and my heart can take refuge in it.

 

He is before all things and all things are held together in Him. Colossians 1:17

 

He holds all things together. He holds Steve together.  He holds my children together. He holds my heart together when I think it’s splintering into sawdust. He is the first and last word and even when the storm spins outside my door, His love holds me together. Always and in all ways.

 

I hope you feel Him holding you today.

 

With hope,

 

Bo

 

 

 

March 18, 2015 - 9:01 am

Claudia Lee - He goes before us; He is behind us; He compasses us about. Sometimes the knowing of Him holding us together is all we have. Thanks for being real — praying for you!

March 18, 2015 - 10:10 am

Vangi - And yet…I just can’t help myself: you are awesome! 🙂 But you’re not awesome because you are able to pull off something amazing. You’re awesome because you tell it like it is, from the heart, for real, and give us all the encouragement we need to put our hope in the One that counts. Love you, sweet cousin!

March 18, 2015 - 10:56 am

Molly - Oh yes, this is one of my favorite verses….I do feel Him holding me, in this crazy world that is falling apart. I do pray that you will feel Him holding you together and up, or even while you are down on your knees, or on your face….

March 18, 2015 - 1:53 pm

Brenda - Thank you for that verse! I am encouraged by this one as well … Psalm 121: 1-2
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills– where does my help come from? 2 My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

March 18, 2015 - 1:55 pm

Dianna Salciccioli - Just love you Bo…..just do.

March 18, 2015 - 2:18 pm

Nat Gitnes - Wow, did I “happen” on that at the right time. Tough times in my life right now, but like you, I am ABSOLUTELY that it’s all a part of His plan and I am held together even in the midst of deep sorrow, inabilities and failure. Without that promise, I, too, woule crumble. Just in case anyone thinks I have it all together…I am a mess, but I’m just stubborn enough to believe that He is able and organized, and will never let me go.

March 18, 2015 - 2:21 pm

Angie - Keep holding on to the One who is holding on to you both. Praying for you. Thank you for being real and transparent. When you are weak, He is strong.

March 18, 2015 - 4:49 pm

Melissa - After hearing you on Focus on the Family, I have read your posts regurally but never commented. Our situations are very different but your honesty to us, over your daily struggles, constantly mirrors mine. Four years ago, my Alzheimer’s mother in law, moved in with us. With 4 children still living at home, and grandchildren I long to have energy for, I too have cried to the Lord with feelings of inadequacies! It all drains me. Your blog has given me courage to face each day, knowing there are others who face harder battles than me. We are never alone! Praise God, He is always with us!!! I’m praying for you and Steve. Much love!

March 18, 2015 - 5:16 pm

Laura Black - Bo,
PLease know I pray for you daily. My husband has ALS. We are just starting this journey. I hang on to every word you write. You are such a role model to all who read your blog. If you can get through this, I know I can too. I want to have that verse tattooed on my wrist. It will be great encouragement as we face the challenges of the days to come. Thank you for being real. Thank you for sharing your journey so that God can use it to minister to me. You are my hero!!!!

Laura Black

March 19, 2015 - 9:00 am

Katrina Monaghan - Wow, Bo! Our battles are worlds apart and, really I think yours is much bigger, but this really hit home. I am in a season where I am fully convinced that is pure grace and the hand of God that is keeping me from a complete mental and emotional collapse. Thank you for being so real in your posts and thank you for sharing this scripture. One that I’ve read probably dozens of times. Isn’t it funny how some passaged can have little personal meaning until you reach a pivotal point in your life? I’ll have a death grip on this one from now on. Still praying for you all.

March 19, 2015 - 1:29 pm

Steffany Woolsey - “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” (2 Cor. 4:16-17)