Just a quick note on a beautiful Monday, and it’s mostly a note to myself. It’s a placeholder for a year from now or a decade from now, when I might sift through the words of my history and come upon these and be reminded who I am.
I’ve been wandering a bit recently. Not literally, but emotionally. Faced with a life I haven’t lived before, so many decisions that used to easy are now complex. Things that used to live outside my world are now right here in my own living room. I know my metaphors are vague. That’s on purpose and I’m truly sorry, because I hate when people are vague, but trust me when I say: the details wouldn’t matter much if you knew them. So here’s where my wandering landed: on my couch, in a bit of a heap, asking God to show me something that would help me figure out my future. At the risk of sounding woo-woo, spooky, spiritual – here are the words that came to my mind. I believe they were Spirit-inspired and I think they might help someone else who’s living in a waiting, changing season.
∴
You are like a little girl at an airport, waiting with her Dad for a flight to you-don’t-know-where, but you know it’s good. And you don’t love waiting. It’s boring. And frustrating. And it steals the joy of anticipation of the trip.
You see a hallway. Just a regular, old hallway and you wonder where it leads. You ask your dad, “What’s down that hallway?”
He answers, “Nothing.”
You ask again, “Nothing? Really, nothing?”
“Yes. Nothing.”
You wait a bit and try not to think about the hallway, but it begins to consume your thoughts. It becomes the road less traveled. And so you try again, “But can I go see it?”
Your dad smiles and says, “It’s a dead end, Bo. There’s nothing to see.”
“But pleeeeeze? I just want to see it and all I’m doing here is waiting.”
Again He smiles and says, “Okay, but don’t stay too long or you’ll miss the flight.”
Suddenly, you remember: the flight. This is, after all, why you’re here at all. But…that hallway. This is a conflict that seems easy to resolve. “Okay,” you agree, “I’ll be back with plenty time to spare – what time is the flight?”
Your Dad says gently, “I’ll tell you when it’s time.”
Well, that’s a problem. It will be hard to enjoy the hallway if you have to keep running back and forth to Gate 56 and checking in with your Dad. And yet, you know better than to question Him outright. “So, can you give me a general time frame? Ten minutes? An hour? More? Less?”
He shakes His head, “I’ll tell you when it’s time.”
Frustrated and weary from waiting, you ask, ” Why can’t I know when the flight is going to leave?”
Your Father smiles again and says simply, “Because both of us can’t be sovereign. “
∴
With hope,
Bo
I have been feeling this lately too. I was invited to the final Sac Kings game in the old arena by a client who paid $850 for my seat. We’ve been friends for years so I didn’t think anything of it until he put his hand on my knee and I froze. What was that? How could he do that and yet how could I have been so naive? I am reminded that this hallway has many doors that I don’t want to or am not ready to open. I will wait upon the Lord……..letting go and letting God.
Oh Bo, that hall, that long “what’s down there, hall.” Thank you for bringing back hard memories, but a very good reminder about ten years ago when I was asking those questions after a very difficult divorce. I was never on my knees more than that time frame and made a habit of carrying my Bible around my apt., because just holding God’s words gave me comfort. From it I decided to live one day at a time and then one hour at a time and, finally, one moment at a time. that’s when my real healing began. I focused on the very moment I was in and listened. I waited for God to tell me. He did, as He always does. Ten years later, I couldn’t be more thankful or blessed. One of the doors in the hallway opened up and the most beautiful life started to unfold. Thank you for your words, for the reminder of how awesome God is, even when we may not feel it. And sometimes, the wait is really worth it. Love you, dear cuz!
You hit the nail on the head. There is only one sovereign God. I need to remind myself of this in my battle with possible ALS every day or I start to wander in hall of fear and anxiety. Randy
I feel the same way: waiting and wondering and wandering. I see a hallway, too, but instead of a bunch of nothing, I see so many things. Sparkly things. Interesting things. Dazzling things. Other people’s things. The waiting makes me impatient and restless and I’m so tempted to walk down that hallway and get caught up in the pretty, shiny things that are not mine, but I know if I do I may get so distracted I will miss my flight. MY flight. MY life. The life my Good Father has for me. And so staying focused is essential but oh so very hard for a girl like me. Sigh…
Wow, I can so relate. My husband passed 2 years ago. My father just a little over 2 months ago, he passed and services were held nearly on the 2 year anniversary of my husbands passing. The emotions….. have been deep and heartfelt, nearly swamping. Life goes on.
This gives me chills. It came to me at the PERFECT time. Thank you for being so perceptive.