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The Week That Will Not Stop Being Dumb

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Wow, friends, this has been a long week. I was supposed to speak at Westside this weekend and I did – once. I spoke at the Saturday service with no trouble and then went to a birthday party where many were fighting a stomach bug. As I got into bed that night, I felt a little anxious but I often feel that way on a speaking weekend. By 1 am, it was clear it was more than jitters, it was the flu. For the first time ever, I called in too sick to speak and tried to ride out the wretched virus, mostly praying for Jesus to come back.

 

 

As I write this, it’s two days later @ 2 a.m., and I’m on round two of the same dumb bug. I haven’t slept a single bit and I’m currently in between throwing up so I feel okay for a minute and there are a couple of things I want to commit to a blog post before I forget them:

 

 

  • Being sick and alone really, truly sucks. I don’t even know if I need to say anymore than that, but I feel whiny enough that I had to at least get that much out. Steve was a good man in situations like this. He was nurturing and grace-giving and kind. He was strong and present and caring. Few things compare in terms of loneliness – at least for me – to being sick in my room by myself. About an hour ago, I sent a text to my mom and sisters, to check if anyone happened to be awake and was willing to take a phone call from a sick-again sister. I just needed a human voice. My sweet sister called me right away, prayed with me and tucked me back in over the phone. I’m so grateful for the people who have been willing to step into my widow life and be as much Steve as they can be in the really lonely moments.

 

  • When the chips are down, I really am pretty brave. I can do these things. I don’t like them, but I can do them and this is a happy discovery because a secret fear of mine over the past few years anticipating life without Steve was how I would handle the tough nights alone. And I’m okay. Perhaps walking someone through a disease like ALS helps build resilience for things like stomach flu, or maybe I’ve had this in me all along. I don’t know, but I’m glad I don’t feel as desperate as I thought I would.

 

  • Worship music is saving my life. It really is. I play it on my phone as I moan in my bed and I feel not so alone. Sometimes I wonder if the people who are singing those songs ever imagined that they would be singing to a sick widow on a lonely night. Well done, worship leaders of the world. You serve us well, even when you don’t know it.

 

  • God is faithful. In sickness. In death. In life. In health. In peace. He is true and steadfast. I feel Him here and I’m thankful.

 

With hope,

Bo

 

 

August 10, 2016 - 7:20 am

Darleen - gosh Bo, that is just awful! All of it!! Well if it makes you smile for a second, my family and I attended our first Westside service since we moved here and it was on Saturday night!!! It was so great and I was so renewed by the message you gave and shared it with someone who is struggling in a very difficult situation. With confidence I could share what God/Jesus would do and did!!! And thru the confidence of you explaining the way Jesus and God handle things, we are now able to confidently go forward and face a very difficult situation in our extended family and certain what God would want us to do and be 🙂 Now hopefully you are smiling and the barfing is over. Praying for a continued recovery and know one wants to go the flu alone, You again are brave and fierce you beautiful little thing ….Hearts if I knew how to type them.

August 10, 2016 - 7:53 am

kathy - Oh yes dear Bo, being sick and living alone is hard. But over the years i am so thankful i know the lord. I pray that you are well on your way to getting over this bug. God bless.

August 10, 2016 - 8:58 am

muriel heimuller - praying for you BO, REALLY ENJOYED YOUR MESSAGE ON VIDEO SUNDAY, SO ANNOINTED…LOVE YOU THANK GOD FOR
JESUS WHO STICKS CLOSER THEN A BROTHER…XXOO MURIEL

August 10, 2016 - 11:21 am

Lori Greenstone - Same bug (but I thought it was food poisoning), same exact time (and I have thought the same thing about my goal weight- the one upside, right? That and being face down with only Jesus (bc I won’t wake anyone to see or hear me like this..) Hugs

August 10, 2016 - 2:08 pm

Whitney - Gosh, this is a totally amazing post, even in the utterly horrible circumstances you found yourself in. Praying for you today, love you!

August 25, 2016 - 11:53 am

Inkling - I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with that kind of illness. Yep, that’s the one that I tend to see if God is willing to make bargains or send Jesus back early. It’s no fun.

Your books were my companions these past 8 days during daily IV therapy for a nasty infection. Today is day 9 and I am done! The part where you said, “Every minute……I have already been to every minute you will ever face. I have been to your future and back, and I have built provision in every minute where you will need it. You won’t see it now, but it will be there when you get there.” That part. It was HUGE in my heart and mind as I sat in a place that once only meant “trauma” for me. God used this past week to heal my brain and heart from a 7.5 year old trauma, and He used those words of yours to show me what He was up to. The work He did was huge, amazing, and ever so beautiful, and the fruits of it actually made me strangely grateful for a week of needles and IVs and yucky infections. Thank you for hearing them from Him and for writing them down for us to have. They encapsulate exactly what our God does. He really does show up and have provision built into the minutes we will face. And we really won’t see them until the very moment we need them. Anyway, thank you. That’s really all I wanted to say. Thank you.

September 8, 2016 - 8:27 pm

Jewl - Hi, Bo, I’m just popping in to say that you’re thought of and prayed for even when there’s no recent post. I assume and hope that the flu is long gone. Here you are: a year in, and it didn’t all of a sudden get better. I’m sorry for that. It’s not my fault, of course, or even God’s fault, but sometimes it helps to hear that someone’s truly sorry for all the losses. Have a blessed day.