Well, I am working on a couple of word-related projects right now and seem to be fresh out of words for the bloggy blog. However, I ran into this post that I wrote a couple of days after Steve’s diagnosis. I wrote it, liked it, but then decided to post something perkier. Today I re-read it and decided it is something that might help someone else who feels alone in a season of life, so…here we go:
Many people have asked, “What can we do?” and right now, there really isn’t a whole big lot…but I’ll tell you what: just having people ask makes us feel not alone.
In fact, that’s something I’m learning right now. Any time I feel very alone…like hopelessly alone…I right away know that the the enemy of my soul is somewhere nearby. His goal is always to get us into places where we feel isolated and abandoned. Always. It happened to me today.
I went to Costco because – argh – my microwave mysteriously stopped working. It had been a rough morning emotionally and I thought maybe getting out of the house would help me regain perspective. However, as I walked through the aisles, something about the bigness of that crazy store and the newness of Steve’s diagnosis just hit me right in the gut. I felt a wave of loneliness wash over my heart and I had to actually stop in the aisle to catch my breath. I don’t know how it came or why it was so powerful; I only know that – in that moment – I felt completely and utterly alone. I tried to shake it off and keep shopping. I berated myself for being weak in the middle of a retail establishment. Finally – not even kidding here – I pushed my cart up next to the boxes of microwaves and leaned my head against them for support, all the while fearing that someone I know would see me and wonder why I was praying to the appliances.
And this is the part where I tell you why I love cell phones. I love cell phones because they are currently my best means for shooting out little SOS messages to my mom and sisters. And that’s exactly what I did. I sent a text to the three of them that said: I have definitely hit a wall. Now, this is remarkable simply because a few months ago? No way. I would not have texted for help with my feelings of fear and loneliness. Now, however, I realize how little I really can do on my own. I know that the dumb devil’s strategy is to make me feel small and ineffective and I’ve discovered that MY best strategy is to quickly agree with him and bring in some troops.
Within moments, the texts came back: “Praying right now. Call when you can.” and then “I know Jesus is the strength for this day and this wall. I’m praying now.” Knowing they were with me in the tidal wave made all the difference and gave me the strength I needed to push away from the microwave ovens and go back to my car. On my way home, my other sister called and again I knew: I am not alone. Jesus has asked me to walk a tough stretch of road, yes, but He has not asked me to walk it by myself. Time after time, when I feel abandoned He sends exactly the right email or phone call or friendly face to save the day.
So, my question to you today is: are there any areas of your life where loneliness is calling the shots and making you feel despair? Ask Him for reinforcements to help you find perspective in seasons of fear, frustration or sorrow. It really does make all the difference.
Still looking for a microwave,
Bo
UPDATE: I did eventually get a microwave and I super duper love it! I also learned that Costco is not the place for me right now and so when people say, “How can I help?” I say, “You can go to Costco for me…” and they do, and I am the big winner in that scenario.
Facing the death of several family relationships right now. These people are not physically dying, but it’s as though they are. I cannot count on them to help me, to understand me, to stand by my side. They were my whole world…
I have questioned whether I am lovable at all. If I can really do all the things God says I can do. If I am really making the right choices for my life–choices that no one else understands, that no one else can make for me. The aching inside keeps me awake at night, keeps me running ragged emotionally throughout the day. I have no script, no TelePrompter, and no knowledge of what the future will bring. When a friend e-mails or texts me, it reminds me that I don’t have to fight that battle alone.
Praying for you this week. It’s okay to hurt, and it’s okay to cry. (that’s coming from a very proud and typically non-emotional woman)
I read these verses this morning and feel God wanting me to share that they have given me strength in times like these when I have felt so alone in my circumstance.
“As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is our Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer: He enables me to stand on the heights (so meaningful as I get queasy in heights).
He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn. Psalm 18: 30 – 36.
Beautiful scriptures, Marla – perfect. 🙂
Aw, Schala – wouldn’t a teleprompter be great? Or some sort of emotional GPS for the stormy seasons? I will pray for you too…you aren’t alone or UN-anything. You are loved and chosen and held by God.
Bo
Praise God for sisters … moms … best friends … and cell phones!! That you are willing to reach out and say “help” is so valuable in this walk of yours. Most of us have not walked this walk, so we can only stand by and say “what can I do”. Please keep calling on people to go to Costco for you, or Safeway, or even Starbucks with willing ears. You are loved, and people (including myself) are not uttering false words when we ask how we can help. We truly mean it.
Thank you so much, dear Jeannie – I promise I will call when we need more help or more Starbucks. (Love the visual of you creating the Costco grab bag!)
Thanks, Bo. I am the one who needed that today!
Deanna – praying for you today, dear friend. Hope, strength, life and all that is yours in Him!
Love your transparency. And even in the middle of the overwhelmingness of it all, your hope shines through, Bo. Know that you are not alone. And that the whole body of Christ is experiencing the shaking of all things that can be shaken. This is to point out where we are weak and need Him and others. Let not your heart be troubled.
Thank you, Debbie. I’m learning to lean on others and finding it a great gift.
I am so glad on that day you did write this even if you didn’t post it. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be shared until now but had to be written then because truly it’s harder to write in detail when reflecting back. I for one am struggling with these moments of loneliness and this was great encouragement today. I have no family here but have discovered family is who you make it and have started using these wonderful people as a source of strength. In fact I just texted one of those people! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and struggles 🙂
Hi Jina,
You are not alone. I too, have no ‘family’ here and am finding God’s blessings anyways. I now have two ‘moms’, three ‘sisters’, and three ‘brothers’, including one ‘father’. I pray that you will continue to find some ‘family’ as well as I do…
Blessings of God upon you; He sees you, sister!
~S
I PRAY THAT FROM HIS GLORIOUS, UNLIMITED RESOURCES HE WILL GIVE YOU MIGHTY INNER STRENGTH THROUGH HIS HOLY SPIRIT.
EPHESIANS 3:16
My princess: IT’S OK TO CRY.
I see how hard you try to handel your heart, and I know you want to live life without heartaches and pain. I’m asking you to take a step closer to your Father in heaven by Crying out to Me when you hurt. Let me heal you. Remember My chosen, King David? He cried out to me in his fears, disappointments, and i answered him. You are also my chosen one, and you are My daughter….so it’s ok to cry. I don’t expect you to pretend that pain is not real. It is truth and tears that will give you freedom that i want you to know. Now let go of that part of your heart that only i can heal. Let you heavenly Father hold you while you cry.
Love,
Your King who wipes away your tears.
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy
Psalms 126:5.
( from Sheri Rose Shepard: His Princess, love letters)
Love and blessing to you sister.