As the year winds down, I’ve been sifting through the memories of 2016, and got stuck on this one today:
I started this year worrying that I would try to outrun grief. This was a silly fear because it turns out sorrow is pretty light on its feet – it has a way of moving into all the seasons of life. This summer, I attended a wedding with a friend. It was a wedding Steve would have been really happy about and as I sat there in that magical venue, witnessing the obvious love between the bride and groom, I was overwhelmed with happiness and said to my friend, “I wish we could text a picture of this to Steve in heaven.” We laughed a little at the idea just as a beautiful girl with a haunting voice began singing the song that had been the most important to me during my last few years with Steve: Time After Time.
If you fall, I will catch you, I’ll be waiting…time after time.
And: many tears. Because the moment was filled with such weighty waves of beauty and and sorrow and beauty again.
I’m not totally sure why I’m sharing this one today except maybe someone needs to know that, yes, sorrow is dodgy and it will find you and keep finding you for a very long time. Maybe even for forever. But so will beauty. It’s also pretty fast on its feet.
And one more thing: Thank you to my wedding date for handling a deeply emotional moment with great compassion. We all need a few high quality humans who are willing to step into our mess and sit quietly, without trying to fix the place up too much. Cliff Brady is that kind of friend to me and a fantastic wedding date as well.
Day 520: Still thankful. Still hopeful. Still standing.