One of my kids left for Mexico today, and two leave tomorrow. Based on this information, can I share two embarrassing confessions?

  1. I didn’t want Tori to go because she leaves for college in a few weeks and I’m jealous for time with her.
  2. I didn’t want Whitney and Corey to go because they’ll be gone over the Fourth of July which is my favorite holiday and our family has never been apart on that day.

Shallow and self-centered? Absolutely. But really, truly living in my heart? Yep.

I’m not a novice at sending my kids to other countries – they’ve gone a lot. But I’ve found that no matter how old they get, I don’t get used to it. It’s not like life just goes on as usual…it’s like a piece of me is there too, and It’s frustrating to “go to Mexico” without GOING to Mexico, you know? It’s like all the worry and none of the turquoise water and fresh tortillas. My regular, ordinary thoughts get jumbled up with wondering what time it is there, and hoping Tori puts her passport back in her bag instead of leaving it on some bathroom counter (which I fear because she is exactly like me). That thought leads to a whole series of questions regarding how to replace a missing passport and/or smuggle a girl out of the country who has misplaced one. I review the things they packed, and then hope they’ll survive if their luggage ends up in Montana instead of Mexico. I hope they’re sleeping well and eating well and aren’t getting sick or lonely or frustrated at the people they would otherwise enjoy being with.

I know these sound like the obsessive ramblings of an overprotective mother…but I also know that lots of mom’s – even the very bravest – would agree with me. You want to let go of them, but it’s hard to get the thoughts of them to let go of you.

We sing a song by United that says, “I would give the world to tell Your story.” I used to love that line, until it stopped being about me. Because it’s a whole new proposition to sing: “I would give my kids to tell Your story.” It’s a big deal to release them to all that’s contained in the unknown…to give them to another place…to launch them into a dangerous destiny. It wouldn’t really be worth it, except for this truth: the story of Jesus is life-changing and world-shaking and it must be told in every corner of the earth.

Eternity insists on it.

And so I will give my kids to that purpose, knowing that Heaven will win and will not be in debt to me.

Viva la Mexico,



  1. “Dangerous Destiny” might just be my new favorite phrase

  2. I live in a different town than my mom, but we still had the anxious “be safe” conversation and I am confident she will worry the whole time. Apparently it is universal. Speaking of Mexico, I should stop reading and go finish packing. 🙂

  3. Yeah, I think we should form some sort of “irrational fears confessional & support group.” Maybe an 800 number or something so moms have someone to talk to about this stuff…other than dads…who get a little tired of it by day 2. 🙂

    Tara – I’m glad you’re back. Coffee soon!

  4. This post made me tear up and I don’t even HAVE kids yet. (sometimes I hate being a girl.. mostly only when I cry at things that shouldn’t make me cry.. and about 12 other times throughout the year)

  5. We have always talked about how we want to travel a lot when we have kids so that they can see the world and serve the nations.. my mom is perfectly fine with the danger that puts us in, but she says there’s no way she’s letting us take her grandkids.
    on the other hand.. that means free babysitter.. so maybe that’s not so bad after all! 🙂

  6. Kristin: crying needlessly? Totally pregnant! Seriously, I keep waiting for the deluge of ’06-’07 weddings to become ’08-’09 baby showers, but it’s pretty slow going so far. You and Luke should definitely pave the way! You’ve almost had a whole year to yourselves and you have free babysitting, so I think now’s the time.

  7. Seriously, someday your kids will be SO thankful you let them go!!!

    It is one of the things i am most thankful for in my parents… they encouraged us to pursue our dreams no matter how crazy and far they took us! They knew God’s call was on our family and in that they would have to release us… however now that we are all spreading out… we are wondering when we will all be together for a family pic… perhaps Easter ’09!!!!!

  8. I’m for sure not going to show my mom your blog now.. because she would have you hung for that last comment.
    she’s the one talking us out of having kids soon.
    Our plan was originally to start trying this Fall.. but plans are changing.. the real estate market is slow.. etc…
    Plus, you know me and my anal (i mean analytical) planning.. I’ve already figured out the best time of the year financially to get pregnant (insurance deductibles, etc.)

  9. …so.. by my calculations, it would be financially prudent to start having children on 4:32 pm on October 12th, 2014 (not taking into account any leap years)

  10. **AT 4:32pm** (stupid typos)