Some things are just too deep.
Last fall, when we realized we were facing something serious with Steve’s health, we turned to the most serious prayer-people we know: our church’s prayer team and my dad’s church’s prayer team in McMinnville. In that group is a family member of mine – Jean. She is known for her love of God, His house, His ways and prayer. Jean’s daughter, Michelle, is also a lovely and wonderful woman who happened to meet and marry a great guy from my church here in Bend named Kirk.
We love Michelle and Kirk. They are gentle, kind and just good people and we were so excited when they announced that they would be having their first baby this September! The world needs more good people raising good babies, you know?
Well, Jean prayed and prayed for Steve and in the course of her contending for my sweet husband’s life, found herself in a fight for her own. In March, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Pancreatic cancer is fast-moving and so Jean was not given a hopeful prognosis. Michelle’s fervent prayer was that her mom would live long enough to see and hold her baby.
Jesus, however, had other plans. The sickness progressed and last Friday, her relationship with Him went from heart-to-heart to face-to-face. I cried for our loss, but rejoiced in Jean’s gain. In heaven’s gain. A.W. Tozer said, “I can safely say, on the authority of all that is revealed in the Word of God, that any man or woman on this earth who is bored and turned off by worship is not ready for heaven.” Well, Mr. Tozer, I can safely say that Jean was READY for heaven! Ready, ready, ready. There is no mourning for those who go to be with Jesus, there is only mourning for those left behind and so I kept thinking of each of her four wonderful kids – but especially about Michelle, who had just really wanted her mom to meet her baby.
On Tuesday, Michelle’s sweetheart baby girl – Layla – was stillborn. Turns out, Grandma Jean was the first to hold that Precious. Michelle imagined she would tell her daughter about her grandma, but it turns out that grandma is telling Layla about her mom. I suspect that no baby in all of heaven has ever received a warmer welcome. Can I tell you something else that’s just…stunning (oh dear, tears pour as I type this)? Even though the timing of these deaths seems so horribly unfair and like the very definition of what Paul called “sorrow-on-sorrow”, the nearness of these two home-goings created a unique opportunity. Because Baby Layla was born just days before Jean’s funeral, Kirk and Michelle were able to quietly tuck that sweet baby in with her grandma and both their frail, earthly bodies will be laid to rest together. It’s so beautiful and sorrowful that it’s just….too deep for words.
Steve and I stood in that hospital room on Tuesday, reeling with the sorrow and beauty of it all. So much, so fast. It’s hard to take it all in and impossible to make human sense of it. But the older I get, the more I understand that there’s only one thing worth knowing for sure: He is good and does good. Always. It’s His only way.
So I am praying for my cousin’s family who is faced with great sorrow. And I am praying for my own family because we are facing some tough stuff as well. But I assure you – from the depths of my little Bo being – I am, without any doubt, madly in love with the ways of God. His goodness is too deep for words.
In your words, Bo, so beautiful and sorrowful and God’s goodness . . . all too deep for words. Praying.
Sweeter words for such deep sorrow never have I read. Thank you Bo… Distance is hard at times, cannot wrap my arms around these two that are so dear to my heart…… You all are in our prayers!
Hugs…
Wow, Amazing people. I was just saying to a friend the other day who had also lost a baby… I know my Mom is probably in line holding all those sweet babies in heaven..in fact I am sure there is a LONG line of Grandma’s, Mom’s, and Dad’s holding those sweet babies… They are well taken care of. But loss is still so deep. I will be praying for Kirk and Michelle as well. I couldn’t imagine the loss of a child… Jean, although I only met her once, was a wonderful sweet lady! Been praying for her family, as it stretches into mine as well!
Thanks Bo! Too deep for words for sure … but somehow you found them. My heart’s been breaking for them as well. One of my first thoughts after I heard the news last Tuesday was, “Well, Jean got one up on us after all — she’s getting to hold her precious granddaughter before any of us!”
that is a truly amazing story. wow – there are no words to speak when considering these lovely ladies..thanks for sharing.
And so … I start my Tuesday morning with tears. And prayers for Michelle and Kirk. And sadness by a family who’s suffered such loss. And joy that Jean and Layla are dancing with their Savior. And tears.
Started the day off rough, read this beautiful tragedy/story of hope, cried and realized that everything on this ‘rough’ Tuesday is so small and trivial. Praying for that family and their losses. Praying for you guys, as well and thankful for the perspective to embrace the surety that He is good and He does good. Thank you Bo.
Perspective and put in place by the bigger world outside my own. God is big and I glad to be small and in his hand when the world turns.
Wow – once again God’s plans sure aren’t our plans but the knowledge that His are best is what gives us such hope! Thanks for sharing so we can lift this awesome family up for the comfort of the HS to flow in their lives.
You have been given a precious gift that, I beleive we all are given but few RECEIVE. The gift to have joy in times of sorrow. It takes great faith and even more courage to walk in this anointing but you, Bo, and you, team Stearn have received the gift well. God is indeed with you!
Goodness.
Bo; This is beyond words….so moving …..Steve has been there for me on more than one occasion through the years…even though he might not even know it & so have you.
I can’t express words to say how sad I feel about Steve & where he’s at right now, but I know one thing..he has the strongest..most God Loving woman by his side..Sadness gets mixed with joy…and there is joy knowing that you love God & he loves you right back…I’m praying for Steve and for you and your family…T
“How can I get away from your Spirit?
Where can I go to escape from you?
If I go up to the Heavens, you are there,
If I lie down in the deepest parts of the earth, you are also there.
Suppose I were to rise witht he sun in the east
and then cross over to the west where it sinks into the ocean.
Your hand would always be there to guide me.
Your right hand would still be holding me close.”
Ps.139:7-10
Bo,
I sat with Michelle and Jill for a few minutes last week, sharing in the marvel and mystery of all that had taken place, waves of weeping spilling through out those precious moments. Still loving and trusting in the goodness and love of our Father.
It is indeed too deep for words…and the Word of God addresses this condition as “deep calling unto deep”…and like Ps. 139 assures us though, “If I lie down in the deepest parts of the earth, you are also there. We cannot escape His presence in all of heaven and earth. Behind and before, hemmed in, made secure.
I pray today for that “down comforter” covering of comfort over all of you…Holy Spirit poured out, saturating these deep situations.
Love beyond words,
Jill
The adage that God moves in mysterious ways may be based on this passage, which describes God’s thoughts and actions as beyond the understanding of the human mind.
Isaiah 55:8-9
New International Version (NIV)
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
I already have a cold and this story just made my sinus issues worse as I shed a tear of the beauty of the story, yet the old question, Why?
Above verse answers this…
Oh Bo. Once again I am moved beyond words by the words God has given you to share. Thank you for a perspective that can take such a hard thing and turn it to something of beauty that only God could orchestrate. He will do no less for Team Stern.
With tears streaming down my face for beautiful people that I’ve never met… I thank God that they have friends (and family) like you to walk with. Thank you for yet again writing with such perspective and shedding light on the glorious goodness of a very wonderful God. You represent Him so well. Hugs to you too as you feel the loss and grieve the (temporary) separation of these two precious ones moving home… xx
Good mornign Bo- I love to read what you write. I have met you but do not know you. However your mom and I grew up together in Idaho and I am a good friend of Nanci C. and Nita that posted your post.
Any way that aside- what you wrote about the grandma and little baby so touched my heart. I remember when my first husband died, and we had our first grandchild a few years later, I cried to the Lord how sad I was that his grandpa would not get to know our dear grandson. God lovely reminded me that it was my job to pray my grandchildren into heaven and they would get to be together with their grandpa forever.
Bless you as you serve Him. Love LeeAnn Rawlins
I am always glad to read your blog, even if it brings me to tears (as was the case in this one)…but you have such a beautiful relationship with the father, that I always leave feeling encouraged, and like the light dinged on in my head and in my heart. Like you said “He is good and does good.” That is and forever will be true.
Thank you, one and all, for your beautiful, encouraging comments. I usually try to respond…but I didn’t quite know what to say this time. Again, it’s just really deep. And beautiful. So are you.
Bo
I just found your blog today. My daughter just started your bible study with a young group of women. I wanted to check out your study and was just so touched by this post. I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer and she was so ready to meet her Lord face to face. Sounds like Jean was also. Thanks for sharing this~ I will keep them in prayer as well