Dear Grandbaby,
This is the week of my anniversary. Grandpa and I got married 27 February’s ago and – whew! – it doesn’t seem like that long at all.
I know it seems like you have all the time in the world to figure out something as nuanced and complex as marriage, but actually it’s already a big part of your life, so here’s what I really want you to know:
- You will soon arrive in a world where marriage is a come-and-go proposition. It’s a world where exit strategies are constructed before the vows are said and words like ‘forever’ are treated with the same reverence as ticket stubs and grocery receipts. Please know: forever is possible and difficult and beautiful like few other things can be.
- Marriage is not easy. It’s a lot of working and talking and fighting and dying to your own desires and serving and hoping and resisting all other options, no matter how compelling they may appear at the time. But it is also a lot of laughing at secret jokes and dancing in the kitchen while the kids are asleep and holding tight to each other through fierce storms, feeling unspeakably thankful that you are not alone and that you have someone else to assure you dry land is just in sight. Many will tell you downsides of the institution, please take it from me: it is wonderful. Amazingly, incredibly wonderful.
- Marriage is not for children. It’s for adults who are ready to face a big, scary world together, believing that they will create something more beautiful than the sum of their parts. It’s for those who have dreams bigger than their own abilities and they really want to grab the hand of someone wonderful and take on the next challenge. Sometimes children do get married, but they have to quickly decide if they want to stay children or stay married. Because marriage is for grownups.
- Marriage is not for “no” people. The greatest gift your grandfather has given me is that he believes in me to an alarmingly dangerous degree. He believes in me more than I believe in myself. He believes on my worst days. He believes…and he constantly communicates the YES to me. “Yes, you can be a woman in a man’s world.” “Yes, you can be taken seriously in the kingdom.” “Yes, you do have something to say.” “Yes, you can conquer the laundry.” When my faith teeters on the brink of “No, Sir, I certainly cannot,” his yes swoops in and picks me up and sets me on my feet again. Marriage is not for cynics. It’s for crazy dreamers who will stake their flag in the ground of another person’s possibilities and refuse to budge. Marriage is for people who are willing to live the yes.
- Marriage is for pray-ers. Because no matter how hard you try and work and believe, you will run into a moment when your happiness is at stake and your future is in jeopardy. It could be a battle from without or within. It could be a distraction or a diagnosis or a defeat so great you just don’t know how you’ll ever recover. So many things swirl and spin through the course of an average marriage, that you couldn’t possibly prepare for them all…except to pray. And the God who created the concept of relationships will hear and He will redeem the story for His great glory and your great joy. He will. I know this one.
- If given the option between getting married on a romantic holiday like Valentine’s or an obscure one like Ground Hog’s Day, choose obscure. It’ll make you laugh for the rest of your lives and that’s worth about a million of anything else.
I love you, sweet Grey, and I am already praying for the one who will share your future. It’s never too soon to invite His presence into the picture.
Grandma Bo
Beautiful. Congratulations on 27 years! Your life, your marriage, your family are a fragrant aroma, well-pleasing to God and an encouragement to everyone whose lives you touch.
Thank you Steve & Bo for setting a standard in marriage that young people can model their lives and relationships after!! Blessings to you for this anniversary season!
thanks for articulating all that so very well. excellent. i think i will print it off for my kids =) i especially am struck by that “stake your flag in the ground of another person’s possibilities” … wow, all just so well said. beautiful. encouraging.
Congrats on 27 years!
This is wonderful, true, and heartwarming Bo. And it’s a great reminder! Congrats to you and Steve! 🙂
Thank you Bo, so true. What A wonderful blessing when you press through those times and behold what’s on the other side.
So true and so beautifully written, thanks for sharing this.
Bo, this is both beautiful and refreshing. Happy Anniversary to you and Steve! 🙂 Thank you for being an amazing example of faith and trust, you truly inspire me.
Wonderful words!
I just read this to Sue and it was like reading a fairy tale……you have such a gift with words. Thanks for sharing that and HAPPY ANNIVERSARY:)
Great wisdom–great perspective–great balance. Happy Anniversary–you both have touched so many lives 🙂
Happy Anniversary dear friends! Your lives continue to be a banner of the mysterious and beautiful work God is doing in you. Your words let truth be like a breath of fresh air.
Wow, I am not even married and that is so powerful. Thanks for the beautiful writing from your heart. I look forward to the day – in God’s perfect timing.
-Caitlin
I am tucking this one in my pocket!!! Thank you!
Sniff, sniff! 🙂