I know, I know, this place has been a veritable Babys R Us lately, hasn’t it? Please know that I am not in denial about other events taking place at the very same time my amazing grandson was coming into the world. I mean, I’m not happy about it, but I don’t deny it.
One of the…um…things…taking place is the almost-culmination of the latest ’round of The Bachelor. I haven’t seen much of it this year, and maybe it’s just my new grandmotherly sensibilities, but this season seems to have been especially low-brow – the dregs of a franchise that is already a hen’s whisker away from barrel sludge in the first place. Sigh. I had planned on writing a Bachelor post, but I’m too busy with this guy.
…to think very much about this one:
And also, I read what I wrote last year and decided that I still agree with myself and it still applies exactly to this whole silly sitch known as The Bach.
Here we go…
How I Won the Bachelor
I have been very transparent and open about an issue in my life. It’s not easy to admit it, and yet – here it is: I watch The Bachelor. I do. It’s like a Twinkie for your tv. And I feel better for having said it (yet again) here for the whole world to see. So last night as I watched the finale, I heard the “winner” say something that frustrated me. As she explained why their new relationship wasn’t turning out very happily ever after, she said, “We’ve had to go through something that most couples never have to go through.”
Yes, true. Most couples do not go through this.
But also…wha? You signed up. You showed up. You knew the gig. This sort of thing doesn’t just happen to someone. Applications to be on reality tv shows do not chase unsuspecting young women down dark alleys. Maybe you’ve been hurt and are all sorts of vulnerable. And maybe your heart has been broken before and it’s been everyone else’s fault. This one, though? This big, brassy, brutal attempt at love and winning? It’s on you.
I certainly don’t have all the answers on love, but here’s how I found my bachelor in 629 easy steps:
I met him and didn’t like him. We went out once anyway. We were pretty mean to each other. We dated other people. He got kicked out of Bible college (who does that?) I judged him harshly and openly to all my friends. He came back a changed guy (and maybe – it’s a little bit possible – that I had changed a lot as well). He took a big risk and wrote me a lovely note on a lonely Valentine’s Day. We went on a date and soon fell in love. Hard. And then we worked. Also hard. And sometimes we fought. And we loved. And stayed true when the world offered a lot of compelling reasons not to. We joined forces and gave ourselves to our children. We joined forces and gave ourselves to other people’s children. We loved the kingdom together. We love life together. We have never gone skydiving or bungee jumping or swimming with sharks. We have gone to Costco. A lot. And Home Depot. And recently on many romatic trips to hospitals. We have paid bills together, painted rooms together, prayed fervently together and just in general, tried really hard to make a home happen. That’s life. That’s love. It’s backbreaking work and there are no shortcuts.
However, there are also no substitutes.
To love and be loved – exclusively and extravagantly – is without a doubt the greatest gift of God this side of eternity.
I’m so glad I signed up.
So, what say you? Is real love possible on reality tv?
So beautiful and transparent. ” I’m so glad I signed up”, too!
Thanks, Dede!
I think not. There’s not much real about reality TV. The contrivances create pressure few relationships can endure, especially without Jesus Christ at the heart of it all. I like our reality better 🙂
Me too, Jean! I know people can fall in love without Jesus in the mix, but I don’t know how they stay in love without Him.
Bo, I love this statement, without jesus I would have been divorced for a third time – yep 3 times – so pitiful. Coming from utter brokeness, deep despair god showed grace and showed me through many people that marriage is not for the light hearted – and what did that mean i asked – well almost allways dying to yourself for the LOVE of Christ. Not for my husband but for the bigger picture.
I don’t have any of the marriage stuff figured out yet but we are going on 6 yrs this month.
I would also like to take this opportunity to say I have watched your beautiful family for many years, in the background I guess and have never seen such a beautiful Christian family backdrop for this world. I am not only envious of your godlyness as a women, as a mom but more than anything as a wife. I only wish I had the chance to learn more from you. Your daughters and son have no idea how lucky they are to have you and steve for parents. I can’t say I am raising godly children with all my yelling, impatience, and well a mercy and grace I am trying so desperatly to find even for myself. BUT They love jesus and that was the best Gift I could have given them. Sorry for the rabbit trail, I have never watched the bach so I don’t know much about it, i can say it truly takes jesus to keep a marriage on track oh and when all else seems broken I say grab em and just dance. Dance til you laugh and get a new perspective.
Bo just dance with steve 🙂 maybe right now or in safeway or even in home depot (thats where romance really is – in the building portion of the realtionship) lol
Thank you for your encouraging words, friend. I promise you, my children have also been raised by a yelly, impatient, self-focused mom. Just when I think I’ve figured it all out, I find myself again desperate for His grace to walk wisely through a foggy world – I’m just so grateful for the ways He has done what I cannot.
Bless you!
Grandchildren . . . a whole new dimension of loving and being loved! Beautiful, precious, all-consuming blessings! Enjoy!
It’s so true, Arlene – this little guy occupies this whole cupboard in my heart that I didn’t even know was there!
Hi Grandma-
I don’t watch the Bachelor anymore. I just want to say that writing about this gorgeous baby is wonderfully fine with me especially if pictures are included! Is it just me or does be seem to have his momma’s mouth with those pouty lips?
Maybe so, but I think he looks an awful lot like his daddy, just judging from the pictures…which there can never be too many of.
You know what’s funny is that Whit and Corey’s baby photos look remarkably alike – so I think Grey is just about exactly an even mix of each of them and a little of just him. 🙂
“To love and be loved – exclusively and extravagantly – is without a doubt the greatest gift of God this side of eternity.” I love this sentence! May I steal it?
I think it so eloquently describes intimacy, which I think our culture has lost all understanding of. Inside of intimacy love has room to flourish because it can be vulnerable and cultivate deep trust. It is impossible for the kind of love to develop without exclusive focus.
As much as the Bachelor irritates me for the way that it so casually depicts dating, I think it is a very accurate picture of where our culture is in their approach to finding love that lasts a lifetime. The times I have watched it, I find myself thinking about how many of the youth girls that I minister to have this same mindset about how to approach dating and discovering love.
I also really liked your description of the real love that you share that visits Costco and Home Depot more often than it does exotic locations. How beautiful it is that love would transform the mundane into something breathtaking rather than the other way around!
I agree, Jamie – I’ve seen the same desperate striving from women with no cameras rolling.
Sorry….can’t make myself sit thru an episode of this show anymore! BUT I love getting pictures of the Baby Greyson!!
Haha! It seems like blogging is going to be really easy from now on.
I’m so glad that when I didn’t care one way or the other I stayed committed. There were times when we would look at each other and laugh and say “I’m committed”…. because that is all there was, and we both knew we were not going anywhere. What happened was amazing to us…it came back….that never ending love that says “I have to talk to him at lunch” and “I wonder what HE is doing?” It’s a great life story for anyone who experiences it . I’m not sure TV has the patience, or endurance that it requires to capture it!
Julie, I love your story…I love that it comes back.
Oh, this is just beautifully stated. And our silly reality shows we watch on TV? Well, from my perspective most are a unhealthy dose of what should not be the reality of this world!
Beautiful blog… and the comments are just as sweet, beautiful, and encouraging. tears of joy. I’m so thankful that my sweet patient husband had (through Jesus) what it takes to hang in there with me. Year 7 was an iffy year… and here we are going on year 22… with more love than we started with. <3 Thank you for sharing.
Bo, you are simply awesome. I love the things you share…thank you for sharing! You always give me a great deal of hope and understanding. Thank you!